FEAR INSIDE ME (part 1)


It’s odd to grow-up alone. But the worst is living a life without friends.

What’s your fear? A voice inside me asked one time

Being alone, I thought

Rejected, the worst

And having no one to share your thoughts and feelings…..

Definition of friend – A person whom one knows and with whom one has a bond of mutual affection, typically exclusive of sexual or family relations

I can recall my younger days…
Playing alone with my paper dolls together with Barbie & Ken
I can say I’m happy with Barbie because she has Ken all the time
And I’m also happy with my paper dolls because they have so many friends
In those days I have so many thoughts running in my head, and I thought my head will shatter anytime.

Then a vague image of me waiting outside our school gate for a week or more.  Hoping that my friend Mark Anthony (I hope the name’s right), my protector and friend during kinder grade from our bully classmates, will return and attend our class. I can’t remember if he said his goodbye’s but our teacher mention that they will transfer residence to somewhere I can’t recall.

And then I met Janice, she’s everything I have during those painful days. She’s a friend and a sister. Yet we were separated by fate.  And Benjamin – a close friend during my 4th year grade school too. My family transfers our residence somewhere in the South.

Yet this starts a new chapter of me. I lived with my cousins (5 girls) and our playtime is never been happier than before. Also, I have Dioni & Maricar, my neighborhood friends. We play, dance and hang-out in their houses during weekends; In addition to my new friends in school – Judith & Alejandro.

Those are my happiest day, I thought then…

My cousins transfer their residence. I sometimes visit them since their few blocks away from ours. But I grew old enough and stop playing dolls with them.

My neighborhood friends have their own share of friends in their respective sections in high school and I have mine too. Same goes with Judith and Alejandro.

But then again as they say, changes are the only constant in this world. And for me they come and go…

During my high school days, I’ve been blessed with lots of friends. I will not mention names so not to offend anyone who’ll I missed to mention. But you know who you are guys! And thank you for making my high school days fruitful with adventure and happy moment. We even shared our ups and downs. And to reminisce our graduation song

FAREWELL TO YOU MY FRIEND
We used to be frightened and scared to try
Of things we don’t really understand why
We laugh for a moment and start to cry
We were crazy

Now that the end is already here
We reminisce ’bout old yells and cheers
Even if our last hurrays were never clear

Farewell to you my friends
We’ll see each other again
Don’t cry ’cause it’s not the end of everything
I may be miles away
But here is where my heart will stay
With you, my friends with you

Yesterday’s a treasure, today is here
Tomorrows’ on its way, the sky is clear
Thank you for the mem’ries of all the laughters and tears
And not to mention our doubts and our fears
The hypertension we gave to our peers
It’s really funny to look back after all of these years

Farewell to you my friends
We’ll see each other again
Don’t cry ’cause it’s not the end of everything
I may be miles away
But here is where my heart will stay
With you, my friends with you

Indeed, we’ll see each other again… someday…

But for now, I’ll have to face the world alone all over again.

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